he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
