I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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