You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
