dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
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