so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
