remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
