i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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