He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
