I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
How drunk are you?
Completed.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
