Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
