when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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