when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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