Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
