I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
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she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
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You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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