then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
