i would punch a child for taco bell
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
