i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
NoShamevember. You game?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
