You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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