just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
