I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
