I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
