Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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