I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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