How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
