Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
