my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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