So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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