I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
