i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
