The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
