it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
