im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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