Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
