I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I came so hard my ears popped.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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