Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
