2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
