Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
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is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
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She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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