You really coming over, don't trick.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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