I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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