You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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