It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
where are my eyebrows?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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