My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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