I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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