Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
