so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
