shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
