You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
