You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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