I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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