The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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