It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
