Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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