Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
