He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
