sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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