How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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