My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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