If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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