will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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