i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
zippers are such a cool invention
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
This is the high leading the old right now
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
