I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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