I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
