Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
