Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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