What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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