I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
