in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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