Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
