im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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