I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
