Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
