Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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