Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
